Thanks, Alex. The phrase "I'm done chasing" came to me about two months ago. It's been hard to grieve many of my relationships that simply don't exist without my emotional scaffolding, but it's also been liberating in a way - like removing the mask or lifting the veil. I feel like I'm a pilgrim again, on a lone journey through the desert. Maybe that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. At least I like my own company.
“I’m done chasing” is such a powerful sentence. I could feel the weight of it when you wrote it.
I am curious about something. Since that moment two months ago, what has surprised you the most about letting the chase drop? I always find that when the striving loosens, something unexpected shows up in the space it leaves.
Oh, Alex, I feel so much grief. Stopping the chase means it’s been very, very quiet in my world—fewer people in my orbit, fewer who check in with me. It’s lonely. It’s been hard. Thanks for asking.
The wanting that comes from lack! You really nailed that, Alex. It can be so subtle, too. I love hearing how you've come to a place of contentment, where you can have ambition without hunger. Sounds like an oxymoron, but you've shown us it isn't!
“The wanting that comes from lack.” You naming it that way made me smile. That phrase feels very precise.
I think the tricky part is how convincing that kind of wanting can be. It often masquerades as motivation or passion. It took me a long time to realize the difference between moving toward something I love and trying to outrun a quiet sense of not being enough.
Love this Alex. "But at some point you have to ask yourself: Am I still healing, or have I just gotten used to thinking of myself as broken?
Life is happening now. Right now. And you’re allowed to be in it."
All so true. It's taken me years to come to this point myself-- the living my life part. On the other hand, I was always living my life. So that great dance of the Both / And dichotomy continues. Three cheers for getting lighter! brighter! content! deep sigh of being here and now.
The Both / And you describe is such a real part of it. Yes, we were always living our lives. And at the same time there is a moment where it feels like we finally step into them.
I remember a morning a few years ago where I realized I was just… here. Drinking coffee, looking out the window, nothing dramatic happening. And yet it felt like I had finally arrived in my own life. Quiet moments like that can feel strangely profound.
I love the photo and happy to see that you have the pizza! I have lived in that state of "almost there" for many years. If I can just get to X, I will be able to feel like I'm finally caught up. I had to unlearn that as part of my people pleasing detox - I had an addiction. I love that you can feel content and I think it truly allows you to dream more fully and make your visions into reality. Someday is now. We need to be present and appreciative of all of those feelings of wanting to be and do better, but don't forget to be here now. You're amazing and I love reading your work. Love, Virg
Virg, I really appreciate this. There is a lot of wisdom tucked into what you wrote.
That feeling of needing to “catch up” is such a heavy story to carry. When it loosens, something in the nervous system seems to exhale. Suddenly dreaming does not feel like escape anymore. It feels like play. I'm so grateful you are here. I love to see your comments when you have time to share. And I love to see your writing when you publish too! 🧡
Alex!!! I don't think anyone's ever put better words for the journey I've been on! I'm done chasing and now honestly it makes me cringe. I want to slap the old version of Shruthi to wake up and also give her the biggest hug. "Like woman! You're awesome, beautiful and more than enough! Stop!"
I used to think content means I had given up too. I saw it as weak. Below my standards. Now I'm just so so happy. There's nothing to escape from...that's the best part! I can't believe I'm living this life!
“I used to think content means I had given up.” That line almost haunts me, because I feel it so deeply. So many of us were taught that story, my friend.
It is strange how the word contentment can sound small or passive, until you actually experience it. Then it feels more like standing on solid ground.
I love the image of wanting to both hug and gently shake your past self. That feels so human. Most of us have a former version of ourselves we wish we could sit down with for a minute. 😂
Nancy, thank you for this reflection. That balance you named feels important.
I remember a time when I thought relaxing into my life would make me stagnant. The opposite happened. Once the pressure eased, curiosity came back online. Growth felt more like exploration and less like fixing something broken.
“A cosy place to dwell.” I am borrowing that. It captures the feeling beautifully.
I spent years thinking contentment meant the end of curiosity. What I found instead is that it makes curiosity safer. You can explore the world without feeling like you are running from yourself.
Thanks Alex. What a beautiful, raw and vulnerable post. You do feel lighter and that’s an amazing feeling. Thank you for the reminder and every line you write touched me deeply. ❤️
Natalia, I appreciate you saying this. “Every line you write touched me deeply” is such a generous thing to share.
Moments like that remind me why I write in the first place. Not to have answers, just to put honest words into the room and see who they resonate with.
content. or...contentment...is why I named my dog Tosha, for Santosha, the Sanskrit term for "always content". I figured if I forced myself to say the word several times a day, I might just embody it eventually. my dog sure is content (most of the time). And then I tattooed it on my wrist. It's been 5.5 years, and I think I"m mostly there. mostly.
I truly love this. Alex. The concept that we waste so much time and energy on interfering with the natural processes like healing etc. Being where we are, enjoying the one life we get (in this moment anyway) while we have it. A beautiful concept. Thank you.
Your comment made me laugh a little in a good way. We really do have a talent for interfering with things that might resolve themselves just fine.
I sometimes think the mind believes it has been hired as the full time manager of the universe. It takes a while to realize it can clock out occasionally.
Absolutely. I work quite a bit in addictions. I ask my clients if the mind that salaciously entices them into doing ‘just a little bit’ of the addictive thing they’re trying to stop, is the same mind that shames the hell out of them once they’ve done it… it always elicits an interesting answer!
This essay is a gem, filled with wonderful insights. Feeling content with your state of being is such a wonderful sign of growth.
The following words of yours struck me: "After the accident, I kept waiting to feel healed. And at some point I realized my body had just... been doing it. The whole time. Without my permission or my supervision. It didn’t need me to manage the project." Our bodies are amazing things, and just when we think we must put in the effort to heal ourselves -- that managing the project -- we realize that our bodies can manage well enough without our interference.
Wonderful that you are in this content state of mind. ❤
Thanks, Alex. The phrase "I'm done chasing" came to me about two months ago. It's been hard to grieve many of my relationships that simply don't exist without my emotional scaffolding, but it's also been liberating in a way - like removing the mask or lifting the veil. I feel like I'm a pilgrim again, on a lone journey through the desert. Maybe that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. At least I like my own company.
“I’m done chasing” is such a powerful sentence. I could feel the weight of it when you wrote it.
I am curious about something. Since that moment two months ago, what has surprised you the most about letting the chase drop? I always find that when the striving loosens, something unexpected shows up in the space it leaves.
Oh, Alex, I feel so much grief. Stopping the chase means it’s been very, very quiet in my world—fewer people in my orbit, fewer who check in with me. It’s lonely. It’s been hard. Thanks for asking.
The wanting that comes from lack! You really nailed that, Alex. It can be so subtle, too. I love hearing how you've come to a place of contentment, where you can have ambition without hunger. Sounds like an oxymoron, but you've shown us it isn't!
“The wanting that comes from lack.” You naming it that way made me smile. That phrase feels very precise.
I think the tricky part is how convincing that kind of wanting can be. It often masquerades as motivation or passion. It took me a long time to realize the difference between moving toward something I love and trying to outrun a quiet sense of not being enough.
Love this Alex. "But at some point you have to ask yourself: Am I still healing, or have I just gotten used to thinking of myself as broken?
Life is happening now. Right now. And you’re allowed to be in it."
All so true. It's taken me years to come to this point myself-- the living my life part. On the other hand, I was always living my life. So that great dance of the Both / And dichotomy continues. Three cheers for getting lighter! brighter! content! deep sigh of being here and now.
The Both / And you describe is such a real part of it. Yes, we were always living our lives. And at the same time there is a moment where it feels like we finally step into them.
I remember a morning a few years ago where I realized I was just… here. Drinking coffee, looking out the window, nothing dramatic happening. And yet it felt like I had finally arrived in my own life. Quiet moments like that can feel strangely profound.
I love the photo and happy to see that you have the pizza! I have lived in that state of "almost there" for many years. If I can just get to X, I will be able to feel like I'm finally caught up. I had to unlearn that as part of my people pleasing detox - I had an addiction. I love that you can feel content and I think it truly allows you to dream more fully and make your visions into reality. Someday is now. We need to be present and appreciative of all of those feelings of wanting to be and do better, but don't forget to be here now. You're amazing and I love reading your work. Love, Virg
Virg, I really appreciate this. There is a lot of wisdom tucked into what you wrote.
That feeling of needing to “catch up” is such a heavy story to carry. When it loosens, something in the nervous system seems to exhale. Suddenly dreaming does not feel like escape anymore. It feels like play. I'm so grateful you are here. I love to see your comments when you have time to share. And I love to see your writing when you publish too! 🧡
Thank you so much Alex. It means a lot!
Alex!!! I don't think anyone's ever put better words for the journey I've been on! I'm done chasing and now honestly it makes me cringe. I want to slap the old version of Shruthi to wake up and also give her the biggest hug. "Like woman! You're awesome, beautiful and more than enough! Stop!"
I used to think content means I had given up too. I saw it as weak. Below my standards. Now I'm just so so happy. There's nothing to escape from...that's the best part! I can't believe I'm living this life!
“I used to think content means I had given up.” That line almost haunts me, because I feel it so deeply. So many of us were taught that story, my friend.
It is strange how the word contentment can sound small or passive, until you actually experience it. Then it feels more like standing on solid ground.
I love the image of wanting to both hug and gently shake your past self. That feels so human. Most of us have a former version of ourselves we wish we could sit down with for a minute. 😂
"
Alex, "I’m not waiting for some future version of me to show up so I can finally relax. I’m here. This is the life."
This is so important. You are enough. But that doesn't mean you won't keep evolving. Life is a process.
Nancy, thank you for this reflection. That balance you named feels important.
I remember a time when I thought relaxing into my life would make me stagnant. The opposite happened. Once the pressure eased, curiosity came back online. Growth felt more like exploration and less like fixing something broken.
Loving that you’ve landed in contentment. It’s a marvelous cosy place to dwell.
“A cosy place to dwell.” I am borrowing that. It captures the feeling beautifully.
I spent years thinking contentment meant the end of curiosity. What I found instead is that it makes curiosity safer. You can explore the world without feeling like you are running from yourself.
Thanks Alex. What a beautiful, raw and vulnerable post. You do feel lighter and that’s an amazing feeling. Thank you for the reminder and every line you write touched me deeply. ❤️
Natalia, I appreciate you saying this. “Every line you write touched me deeply” is such a generous thing to share.
Moments like that remind me why I write in the first place. Not to have answers, just to put honest words into the room and see who they resonate with.
❤️❤️
love this picture of you two!
Isn't it cuuuuuuuute?!?!?!
content. or...contentment...is why I named my dog Tosha, for Santosha, the Sanskrit term for "always content". I figured if I forced myself to say the word several times a day, I might just embody it eventually. my dog sure is content (most of the time). And then I tattooed it on my wrist. It's been 5.5 years, and I think I"m mostly there. mostly.
“It's been 5.5 years, and I think I'm mostly there. Mostly.” That line made me smile.
Mostly might be the most honest version of contentment there is. I have yet to meet anyone who lives there one hundred percent of the time.
Although, I do believe Tosha comes close. Tosha is a pretty content being. 🧡
she’d better be, contentment is her name.
I truly love this. Alex. The concept that we waste so much time and energy on interfering with the natural processes like healing etc. Being where we are, enjoying the one life we get (in this moment anyway) while we have it. A beautiful concept. Thank you.
Your comment made me laugh a little in a good way. We really do have a talent for interfering with things that might resolve themselves just fine.
I sometimes think the mind believes it has been hired as the full time manager of the universe. It takes a while to realize it can clock out occasionally.
Absolutely. I work quite a bit in addictions. I ask my clients if the mind that salaciously entices them into doing ‘just a little bit’ of the addictive thing they’re trying to stop, is the same mind that shames the hell out of them once they’ve done it… it always elicits an interesting answer!
Hi Alex,
This essay is a gem, filled with wonderful insights. Feeling content with your state of being is such a wonderful sign of growth.
The following words of yours struck me: "After the accident, I kept waiting to feel healed. And at some point I realized my body had just... been doing it. The whole time. Without my permission or my supervision. It didn’t need me to manage the project." Our bodies are amazing things, and just when we think we must put in the effort to heal ourselves -- that managing the project -- we realize that our bodies can manage well enough without our interference.
Wonderful that you are in this content state of mind. ❤