I am loving how "aliveness" brings everthing to our attention as it's needed. What we do with it then, is the question I'm sitting with. When the future looks to me like more of the same, and more and more, only more complex and painful, I seek that aliveness in the daily joys and gems that I notice and take to heart. More interactions in Nature, and turning my thoughts to how I can make this time count for something beautiful. And this time is precious, no doubt. Thank you, as always, Love, Virg
“I seek that aliveness in the daily joys and gems,” yes. I keep hearing that word seek in my head. It has movement in it, it refuses the numb drift. I wonder, when you notice a gem, what helps you actually take it to heart, instead of just clocking it and moving on. Is there a ritual, a pause, a tiny way you let it land?
For me it denotes mindfulness as I go about my day. I am actively looking for those things that, if I’m observant, will stand out to me. When that happens, I do pause, I appreciate, and check in with myself and how it is affecting me. I think I say, “How beautiful, or wow, that’s so cool, amazing,” etc. many times during my day. When I’m feeling sad or painful in my body or heart, I go looking for those things that soothe me. Usually in Nature, Music, or prayer/meditation,in the form of writing, or singing, whether I’m out walking or staying indoors, I can usually find things that bring me joy. What a great question, thank you for asking. Love, Virg
Thank you for sharing these micro-moments with us, Alex. They become an anchor for me. I can relate to the woman who said she came to let go of control by way of alchemizing her grief. That's descriptive of the long-term work I have been doing for almost thirteen years, since Sarah's birth. And my heart feels fragile, thin.
To answer your questions, I will stick with the last one: "What I need is...someone to check in on me, a stable and solid presence where there's mutuality in the relationship and I know I'm not the only one carrying the emotional labor. I need to know I matter to others the way they matter to me. I need my needs to be acknowledged and respected. I need to not feel so emotionally undernourished. I need to be revived, I guess. To feel the aliveness you write about again. I did once, and the light has dimmed significantly these past few months. I have never felt more alone than I do now, with the exception of after Auggie's birth 6 years ago when postpartum depression engulfed me in psychic darkness."
That's my honest answer. I'm not sure if I should publicize it. But it's where I am. Thanks for reading.
“I need to know I matter to others the way they matter to me.” Whew. That is so clean, so human, so true. I keep thinking about how many people are walking around starved for that exact mutuality, and still blaming themselves for needing it. I am grateful you said it out loud.
You matter to me my friend. Even though I am going through my own shit right now, you do matter. I am so sorry I had to cancel our call the other day! I do feel so bad. You know the drill - being on a waitlist and making a decision to take the appointment or stay on a waitlist for who knows how long... ugh.
But you do matter. Always, my friend. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Alex. I get it—I mean, I don’t know the specifics of what you’re dealing with right now, but I do understand how hard it is when dealing with medical complexities and just the nature of life in general. I was also in a bad headspace that week—like, really bad. I was trying so hard to figure out why it bothered me so much, and I’ve reflected on it a lot since then. Maybe you and I can talk sometime when you’re in a good place, but it’s okay if that takes a while. I’m just glad we’re friends. And I’m glad that we can both be human and still figure things out along the way. That’s a huge relief to me! I hope you take good care of yourself, too, Sending hugs.
Jeannie - Thank you and while I am not Alexander, I want to say that between his beautifully poignant essay and what you’ve written here, I find myself once again understanding a little more about the human condition and what helps us continue in more loving, humane, and connected ways. By nature, and for a number of reasons, I tend to be, though not always of course, a bit of a lone, older wolf moving through life more on my own than otherwise. But even through the harshest of New England winters, I know that none of us are meant to face the elements entirely alone. At some point, we all need a pack. So thank you for helping me catch sight of this again.
I came to know of you through Stephanie Raffelock, and through some of the notes and videos in which you’ve shared your daughter Sarah’s wisdom, courage, and love. If you are open to it, and of course I understand if you’d prefer not to revisit it, I would welcome to hear more about when you felt that light you mentioned, what was happening at the time and what you remember about how it felt and why it was happening.
Alexander - Thank you mate for the gentle reminder of what matters in how we live. It truly does.
Hi Dr. Bronce, what a delightful surprise to read your thoughtful comment today, here in Alex’s space. I really love the overlap in these communities, as Alex and I have gotten to know each other a little over a year now, and I know Stephanie Raffelock, too.
It would be lovely to connect with you more. Feel free to send me a DM and we can chat a bit more about this.
Alex, you have created a space where these connections happen organically. That’s a beautiful gift.
I’m really touched you said, “Alex, you have created a space where these connections happen organically.” That means a lot. I keep hoping for exactly that, less performance, more real contact. Thank you for noticing it, and for contributing to it with how you show up.
Yes, you’ve always been one of the few people I’ve met here (or anywhere, really) who “keeps it real.” I love how you wrote “less performance,” because that really takes the pressure off of everyone when it’s modeled by another person.
Dr. Bronce, thank you for this. “A lone, older wolf” in a New England winter is such a vivid image, and it carries a lot of dignity too. I’m really touched that this space, and Jeannie’s honesty, helped you catch sight of the pack again. I needed the reminder too.
I love the lived understanding here. Waking up. Being alive-living aliveness. These are the experiences we accumulate, the knowing we embody. Examples (ten good years etc.) These are someone else' opinion or idea. Its how you speak about weaving them into the fabric of your own life that is the gold here. Thank you.
Mark, thank you. “I love the lived understanding here” is such a generous way to name what I was reaching for. I’m grateful you felt it, and took the time to say so.
Heidi, yes. “Permission to stop demanding a map.” That is the whole thing, honestly. The part of me that wants the blueprint is so sincere, and so exhausting. I’m grateful you felt the permission in it.
My Nephew,my niece’s husband was walking to his car in the lot a fews years ago and had a severe heart attack which threw him to the concrete resulting in multiple broken facial bones. He was in a coma and was coded a few times and today lives with severe traumatic brain damage. My niece is dedicated to him as they have been together since they were 15 and are both now in their 50’s. I’ve shortened their story very much here, but my point is not everyone lived as they did before, but with real support and real love a new path can be built. They were always dedicated to each other and it’s beautiful to see that part hasn’t changed through all their traumatic experience, daily frustrations and a complete reinvention of their lives going forwarded. I often witness the love that is still alive between them even though everything around them is different. Having courage and love that deep is a gift.
When you write about your moments and the way you adapt to each one in a rare and wonderful way, I feel blessed to call you my friend and always hope I remain worthy of our connection. You show me ways I didn’t ever imagine could actually be a reality. You are proof all things are possible.
“Not everyone lived as they did before, but with real support and real love a new path can be built.” That line is the whole thesis, and you earned it the hard way. I’m struck by how you’re not romanticizing what happened, you’re honoring what survived.
Somehow this piece is inspiring me to really make my mom sit in a place and share her memories about my grandfather. I don't know why.
It's been almost 4 years now, and somehow I believe she hasn't allowed herself to grief fully because she's terrified of going into a spiral and not returning. I hope I'm able to give her enough reassurance that I'm always with her no matter what through this process.
Also, I've started doing morning pages recently and what a grounding way to feel Alive! To let the words pour into paper...raw, unedited, complex, nuanced, opposites... You've given me more permission to go deeper Alex. For that thank you!
I am loving how "aliveness" brings everthing to our attention as it's needed. What we do with it then, is the question I'm sitting with. When the future looks to me like more of the same, and more and more, only more complex and painful, I seek that aliveness in the daily joys and gems that I notice and take to heart. More interactions in Nature, and turning my thoughts to how I can make this time count for something beautiful. And this time is precious, no doubt. Thank you, as always, Love, Virg
“I seek that aliveness in the daily joys and gems,” yes. I keep hearing that word seek in my head. It has movement in it, it refuses the numb drift. I wonder, when you notice a gem, what helps you actually take it to heart, instead of just clocking it and moving on. Is there a ritual, a pause, a tiny way you let it land?
For me it denotes mindfulness as I go about my day. I am actively looking for those things that, if I’m observant, will stand out to me. When that happens, I do pause, I appreciate, and check in with myself and how it is affecting me. I think I say, “How beautiful, or wow, that’s so cool, amazing,” etc. many times during my day. When I’m feeling sad or painful in my body or heart, I go looking for those things that soothe me. Usually in Nature, Music, or prayer/meditation,in the form of writing, or singing, whether I’m out walking or staying indoors, I can usually find things that bring me joy. What a great question, thank you for asking. Love, Virg
I love that you consistently honor the beauty and awe of the world around you. What a beautiful practice! Thank you for sharing with me (and us). 🧡
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing these micro-moments with us, Alex. They become an anchor for me. I can relate to the woman who said she came to let go of control by way of alchemizing her grief. That's descriptive of the long-term work I have been doing for almost thirteen years, since Sarah's birth. And my heart feels fragile, thin.
To answer your questions, I will stick with the last one: "What I need is...someone to check in on me, a stable and solid presence where there's mutuality in the relationship and I know I'm not the only one carrying the emotional labor. I need to know I matter to others the way they matter to me. I need my needs to be acknowledged and respected. I need to not feel so emotionally undernourished. I need to be revived, I guess. To feel the aliveness you write about again. I did once, and the light has dimmed significantly these past few months. I have never felt more alone than I do now, with the exception of after Auggie's birth 6 years ago when postpartum depression engulfed me in psychic darkness."
That's my honest answer. I'm not sure if I should publicize it. But it's where I am. Thanks for reading.
“I need to know I matter to others the way they matter to me.” Whew. That is so clean, so human, so true. I keep thinking about how many people are walking around starved for that exact mutuality, and still blaming themselves for needing it. I am grateful you said it out loud.
You matter to me my friend. Even though I am going through my own shit right now, you do matter. I am so sorry I had to cancel our call the other day! I do feel so bad. You know the drill - being on a waitlist and making a decision to take the appointment or stay on a waitlist for who knows how long... ugh.
But you do matter. Always, my friend. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Alex. I get it—I mean, I don’t know the specifics of what you’re dealing with right now, but I do understand how hard it is when dealing with medical complexities and just the nature of life in general. I was also in a bad headspace that week—like, really bad. I was trying so hard to figure out why it bothered me so much, and I’ve reflected on it a lot since then. Maybe you and I can talk sometime when you’re in a good place, but it’s okay if that takes a while. I’m just glad we’re friends. And I’m glad that we can both be human and still figure things out along the way. That’s a huge relief to me! I hope you take good care of yourself, too, Sending hugs.
Jeannie - Thank you and while I am not Alexander, I want to say that between his beautifully poignant essay and what you’ve written here, I find myself once again understanding a little more about the human condition and what helps us continue in more loving, humane, and connected ways. By nature, and for a number of reasons, I tend to be, though not always of course, a bit of a lone, older wolf moving through life more on my own than otherwise. But even through the harshest of New England winters, I know that none of us are meant to face the elements entirely alone. At some point, we all need a pack. So thank you for helping me catch sight of this again.
I came to know of you through Stephanie Raffelock, and through some of the notes and videos in which you’ve shared your daughter Sarah’s wisdom, courage, and love. If you are open to it, and of course I understand if you’d prefer not to revisit it, I would welcome to hear more about when you felt that light you mentioned, what was happening at the time and what you remember about how it felt and why it was happening.
Alexander - Thank you mate for the gentle reminder of what matters in how we live. It truly does.
Hi Dr. Bronce, what a delightful surprise to read your thoughtful comment today, here in Alex’s space. I really love the overlap in these communities, as Alex and I have gotten to know each other a little over a year now, and I know Stephanie Raffelock, too.
It would be lovely to connect with you more. Feel free to send me a DM and we can chat a bit more about this.
Alex, you have created a space where these connections happen organically. That’s a beautiful gift.
I’m really touched you said, “Alex, you have created a space where these connections happen organically.” That means a lot. I keep hoping for exactly that, less performance, more real contact. Thank you for noticing it, and for contributing to it with how you show up.
Yes, you’ve always been one of the few people I’ve met here (or anywhere, really) who “keeps it real.” I love how you wrote “less performance,” because that really takes the pressure off of everyone when it’s modeled by another person.
Dr. Bronce, thank you for this. “A lone, older wolf” in a New England winter is such a vivid image, and it carries a lot of dignity too. I’m really touched that this space, and Jeannie’s honesty, helped you catch sight of the pack again. I needed the reminder too.
I love the lived understanding here. Waking up. Being alive-living aliveness. These are the experiences we accumulate, the knowing we embody. Examples (ten good years etc.) These are someone else' opinion or idea. Its how you speak about weaving them into the fabric of your own life that is the gold here. Thank you.
Mark, thank you. “I love the lived understanding here” is such a generous way to name what I was reaching for. I’m grateful you felt it, and took the time to say so.
It's special work you do, Alexander. The framing gives narrative to what so many people have no words for. In and of itself, that is so powerful.
Whoa: permission to stop demanding a map. Full stop. I wrote today: “Why am I crying/
When I got
Exactly what
I wished for
Heidi, yes. “Permission to stop demanding a map.” That is the whole thing, honestly. The part of me that wants the blueprint is so sincere, and so exhausting. I’m grateful you felt the permission in it.
My Nephew,my niece’s husband was walking to his car in the lot a fews years ago and had a severe heart attack which threw him to the concrete resulting in multiple broken facial bones. He was in a coma and was coded a few times and today lives with severe traumatic brain damage. My niece is dedicated to him as they have been together since they were 15 and are both now in their 50’s. I’ve shortened their story very much here, but my point is not everyone lived as they did before, but with real support and real love a new path can be built. They were always dedicated to each other and it’s beautiful to see that part hasn’t changed through all their traumatic experience, daily frustrations and a complete reinvention of their lives going forwarded. I often witness the love that is still alive between them even though everything around them is different. Having courage and love that deep is a gift.
When you write about your moments and the way you adapt to each one in a rare and wonderful way, I feel blessed to call you my friend and always hope I remain worthy of our connection. You show me ways I didn’t ever imagine could actually be a reality. You are proof all things are possible.
“Not everyone lived as they did before, but with real support and real love a new path can be built.” That line is the whole thesis, and you earned it the hard way. I’m struck by how you’re not romanticizing what happened, you’re honoring what survived.
Somehow this piece is inspiring me to really make my mom sit in a place and share her memories about my grandfather. I don't know why.
It's been almost 4 years now, and somehow I believe she hasn't allowed herself to grief fully because she's terrified of going into a spiral and not returning. I hope I'm able to give her enough reassurance that I'm always with her no matter what through this process.
Also, I've started doing morning pages recently and what a grounding way to feel Alive! To let the words pour into paper...raw, unedited, complex, nuanced, opposites... You've given me more permission to go deeper Alex. For that thank you!